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There are UPS and FedEx trucks parked outside right now. One of each. I'm half waiting to see the drivers pause in their work as they catch each others' eyes. Then they suddenly start duking it out for mail service superiority. Actually, it would be even better if they jumped into the cabs of their respective trucks, and then the trucks turned into giant fighting robots.
The UPS guy would say something like, "Ultimate Punching System - GO!" Then there'd be a blaze of brownish light as he swung madly at the FedExerator. Then the FedExerator would counter with Lightning Fast Delivery (of a series of kicks).
Giant fighting robots would make the world a better place.
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I am in the habit of trimming my fingernails over a trash bucket. I have always presumed that the fingernail clippings will fall, more or less, down into the bucket. Apparently this is a false presumption, as I find that less than 50% of the clippings fall directly into the bucket. Most fly off in seemingly random directions. And of course, fingernail clippers seem to have quite a kick; the clippings move pretty fast when leaving my finger. Often too fast to track. Fingernails are also imbued with a natural ability to camoflage. They're semi-transparent and small. (At least, they're small when I clip them. For people who wait six months between trimings, the discarded clippings are probably easier to spot.) So it's pretty hard to spot the clippings that don't make it into the bucket. Invariably, there are fingernail clippings scattered about around the bucket, never to be found. Until someone walks by barefoot.
I try to increase the likelihood that my clippings will go into the bucket. I try to trim over a trash can that is at least half-empty, and place my hand below the level of the rim, thereby increasing the odds that a randomly flung clipping will hit the wall of the bucket and be deflected down. It's probably also a good thing that I wear glasses. Otherwise I might seriously damage my eye while practicing good hygeine. Oh, what tragic irony that would be. Blinding myself while pursuing good health and vanity.
Is there a secret to aiming the clippings that was omitted when I was taught the fine art of fingernail clipping? If there is, can somone reveal it to me? I fear for the safety of my eyes. And my feet.
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Sometimes, I meet a girl and I'm interested in her. In other words, I'm attracted to her and I find her to be a pretty cool person and I'd like to date her. Sometimes, she has a boyfriend. He's an asshole. Always. It's one of those rules of the universe, like gravity. The boyfriend of the girl you're interested in is an asshole. He could be the nicest guy in the world, but it doesn't matter. He's That Asshole.
In my mind, there's an understandable, if not reasonable explanation for this rule. If I want to date the girl, and the major obstacle preventing this is her boyfriend, then believing her boyfriend is an asshole sorta helps me feel better about the whole situation. If he's an asshole, then he's no good for her. And, since I'm not an asshole, I'm obviously a better choice than her boyfriend.
These are my observations as a heterosexual male. I won't assume that it is the same for people of different genders or sexual orientations. Also, an exception to this rule is if I know the guy in the relationship before I know the girl, or if I know the guy before they start dating. He may still be an asshole, but it is not definite.
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